now that you know

now that you know  I have this.... i guess I can say that i'm glad you know. Although I didn't really want you to know that I have journal I'm glad you know now.

this journal is in all dedication to you, or other things i dont want people to read. things I have running through my mind that people dont need to know about.

I wanted to show you this to show you this at a later time in life... when I wasnt feeling so much heart ach and shit like that.

Okay... here is the thing. if you alredy read the other entrys you'll porlly understand it all. if you didn't read those yet...
heres the the short version. (maybe)

I put myself in to situations that i can't controll. When you left me hanging I was in the process of making all my priorties straight. I was almost there... untill our "break up" (sorry i don't know  what to call it.) Althought it wasnt officail it was like we were together. We had all the qualitys of it being together just didnt have that title. Yeah. I can only say it over and over and over again but I miss you I don't think there is anyone or anything that can ever change the way that i feel about you. I'm in the process of letting you go but then I dont want to. I'll just set it aside for another day....untill that day you come back to me. In hopes that you will be with me again. But untill then I'll just put all my LOVE for you in a JAR and lable it for you. Although nothing can really contain all my love for you. Its corny I know.. but its the truth. I got LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU. up untill the moment that we were "together" and left I relized that It was so hard for me to let you go. The REASON BEING was that well... not only were you my first but I FELL IN LOVE. YOUR WHOLE PRESENCE YOUR VIBE YOUR EVERYTHING... was so much that i wanted in a man and more. I was so scared to lose you that i would have done anything  not to lose you. That is where I WENT WRONG. I PUSHED YOU AWAY... I Wish you would have said something. I prayed that you would talk to me and let me know what was up or something... IT was all I ever really wanted. thats y i was hella pushing to talk to you. I donno...

Sometimes I get a little frustrated because I get to the point when we are hanging out that I want to like Hug you and never let you. I want to go up to you and kiss you on the lips... But i have to HOLD back.  Not do anything. MAN.... "I STILL LOVE YOU BABE.... I'm STILL FOR YOU BOY, even thought we disagree I'll never leave you baby... Cuz i realize i need you in my life"
 
 

the only thing i can do is pray everynight