It is the afternoon of saturday the 10

so well i'm sitting here about to update about my whole week...

Okay so like starting with July 3,2004 I didnt have any plans to really do anything so i called up jeff to see what he was doing... I asked him if I could take him up on his offer of his raincheck. So yeah he came over. We sat chilled and talked for 2hrs and 30 mins about everything. well for the most part it was everything. I got clouser on the subject of us.

I STILL LIKE YOU!!! but... eh... whatever what can i do right?

so after he left I pretty much marinated it was hot and I sat at the computer for most of the day. Why was that well because just like now there was nothing to freakin do. So I did that. after a bit of chillin at home I called up chris to see what he was doingand he said he was going to chill over at a hommies house. I was like sure im down because i have nothing else to do. I ened up leaving my house at like 6.... finally something to do right. Well it wasn't much. We went over to cliffs house watched them play basketball and I basically just like sat there the sun in my fuckin face and then well, after a bit we finally headed over to the actual house.chillin at the house was kool. when we got there we sat and watched tv. For some reason iwas hella tired so like i took a nap. Ha!!! cliff moved me to his room so that everyone else could sit on the couch. We were suppose to go and watch fireworks but by that time, I drank up a lil and the others were just to lazy to move. so we stayed where we were and posted it there. MANN... I'm SO not a FAN of Hard STUFF... BLAH.. not really into that.. me i'm more of a beer drinker, but I lived the night... thanks for looking out for me chris. A night i wont forget..

Happy Belated JULY 4th

hahah so like july 4th it consisted of me waking up going to church and... after that eating lunch.... after i ate lunch i fixed me up my cloths... I chilled did the laundry and then went to double tree. why did we go there. justines cotillion we were suppose to have 2 suites but the people scrwed with the reservations... so well we ended up with 4 rooms instead. its all good in the hood. the lady that coodinated justines cotillion gave here parents a suite and the last day to use it was july4th. so well there you go! all of the court basically went it was awesome that it was so awesome. watched fireworks... they were small but we could see them still form a distance, JINGA, CARDS TONS OF LAUGHS. holdem. I'm the WEENNER!!! Jovvers backla voice and the laugh was hella awesome! althought he woke up papa henry. Jeff grant chris and i played 13... they evetually got bored and left. jeff and i sat at the table and he was teaching me how to play pasoy...I kinda understand it. the time was 4:30 by that time... ryan crystal rachel chris and grant were knocked out. eventually jeff fell asleep after we played cards...that guy i donno how he can sleep on those chairs.I hit my head on the table it hurt... but it was funny i got over it. I wanted to sleep but... my pollow was with grant. he was all over it like melted cheese on bread. i let him have it. my areo bed was taken over by rachel crystal chris karen and jd.... dang it. i had no spot. my blanket was on justine. DANG!!! i had nothing. So I eneded up moving to the bathtub. I put all the towels on the floor of the tub and sat inside. Jennelle was going to sleep with me there but we ended up going back outside. jovver justine jennelle and jorina... <--- wow all J's except myself ... we ended up playing sherades... yeah... jay and jd were awake too they were playing video games. (they are J's too)It was hella funny because the movements that jovver did were hella funny. We didnt understand him. It was like what the fawk...but it was hella funny. Because of our laughing rachel gets up and moves herself to the closet. sorry sister! we eneded our game around 550... then tryed to go to sleep. I was about to go to the bathroom but then jovver told me to stay over where everyone else was. Jeff woke up and i told him to lay down on the floor. that he could use my blanket. I eneded up giving him a towel and a sweater for a pillow. Because at that point i didnt care. everyone else had my stuff!!! then like.. i sat down... jovver sat next to me... justine jorina,jay and jennelle were on the couch bed. jennelle wasnt having it and she moved to a spot on the floor with pillows under her.tryed to fall asleep but jovver kept talking. Eh... the floor usually a place i could sleep but mann... not kool... no tengo pillow.. Justine gave me my blanket back. YAY!!! i was a wake for the most part. couldnt really sleep i had like what 30 mins of actually sleep. i woke up to the sound of jeff snooring in my ear. and when i turned over jovvers thingy was in my face!!! he had to sleep the other direction!!!not kool i was paranoid when we first layed down because jovvers ass was in my face and i was scared he was going to fart i mean because he did say i'm sorry if i fart when im sleeping! Dang!!! mann what a pooper! so i had to face the other way the whole time. i donno. I was kinda pissed when people were awake i wanst sleeping i was laying there with my eyes closed pretending to sleep. yeah. i donno i couldnt take it. whatever. it eventually turned 10 everyone was awake except myself jeff grant jorina and jennelle. everyone else went up to get breakfast. fun! ha! we all eventually got up around 1030 and got ready to leave.

I rolled with grant, droped jay home, then the 4 of us went to the ordillos. joel was there with julie... he tryed to scare us... grant came and left. jennelle got ready. bj picked her up and then joel and julie left. jeff and I just chilled watched Tv... fell asleep.. for a bit and then... I asked him if i could shower. and so i did.. we went to go and visit their lola. dropped jennelle off at home and then jeff and i went to costco. FAWKER.... hit my ankle with the CART! i was walking with a pimp walk for a bit! hahaha.... its all good... listening to the reggae/house mix... it was dope... "touch you ears, touch your nose, touch your thighs and reach for the sky!"(with the hand movements and everything!)HAHAHA! BITCH! mann i was soo tired!!! practice....fuckin shit. i hated on myself. the salsa spilled on my shirt... luckly i was waring another shit under it! quick change.! hehe... after that... long day... i needed to go home school the next day!!

-----------my emotional break down of the day

Man there is just sooo much bullshit that i want to get rid of... some i want to hold on to. I want to take the things that i have thrown away and hold on to it. I want to take this broken heart and sew it back together... I want to be happy. I want to make my parents proud of me I want them to see me in my glory. i want to be proud. Want to be reconized... I want TO JUST BREATH!!!..... inhale.... exhale... BREATH...

Come get me
take me take me to the ultimate bliss...
where life is worth the wait... where time holds its place.

so high up in the sky.
oblivious to what we will become.
my heart races everytime i step into the room... your there.. and i breath
we walk out hand in hand.
thinkin this is the best moment of my life.
I dont think i can be any happier.
my sincer appologies to you, my fault, my mistake, i'm sorry
heart felt arguments that turn out for the better.
I sware i've changed...
little by little i dig my self in to a deeper hole
I want to get out I told my self i would never fall.

fixated on what has become
I fell apart when you said those words
" I JUST WANT TO FUCK IT,DROP EVERYTHING, AND LEAVE IT ALONE"
you grabed me by the hand and took me to a place that i've never been.
said some words that left me...
stuck titering off that high above limb.
I spoke my words as you sat there and listened.
made faces like what the fuck...
as tho i was speaking some forgin toung.
with tears rolling down my face...
I wonder...

I've dug the deepest hole.
unable to pull myself out.
it seems as tho the walls were closing in and i scream digging myself deeper
I want to see
to see what has become
to relize that its gone
Im here and your there
unsatisfied of what i have become.
it gets worse before it gets any better
someone please press rewind
I want to go back... back to being happy..

Come get me
take me take me to the ultimate bliss...
where life is worth the wait... and time holds its place.


------ NOT THE GREATEST still need to revise it and shit!