thinking

thinking of the things that have happened of the things that didnt happend... all that other shit... its like... DANG... who knew..

silly things that i must get over...







true and blue... i still love you!

happy birthday to my sister jennelle

Okay so like today is like a random day... well not really its actully

 

JENNELLE FAITH ORDILLOS BDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER

 

so i'm hella just chillin here at chirs's house waiting for everone to come over and stuff like that. so we can go swimming. But anyways...

speaking of a good day that i had yesterday.. in which it was.. I went over to justines and pretty much hung out with my sisters.... Jeff came along... it was kool. We chilled and had a bunch of laughs!!!! yup yup...  funny shit MANN I MISS MOMENTS LIKE THAT!!! SERIOuSLY!!!

 

I MISS ALOT OF THINGS BUT THERES NOTHING THAT I CAN REALLY DO ABOUT IT NOW. OR CAN I?

 

 

.... Its believeable... that its unbelieveable.. lol!!!

 

 

just for shits and giggles...or is it KICKS AND GIGGLES?....

 

 

DIRTY KITCHEN!.....DUD,DUD,DUD,DUD...itsa dirty kitchen... i thought you knew!

 

man... EWW... thats grose... thats alot of oil.... no... thats a lot of rice...

 

oo... can i eat that? theres no more rice jeff ate it all.... aww... what! FAT ASS!!!!.... "is my ass really that fat!? (gay voice)"

 

ZATARA- DRIFT WOOD.... you can be my drift wood any time... i'll let you ride my zatara anytime!

i'm excited.... hold up a hand...  stop? nooo.... 5... yess...words?

 

hahahahahaha

 

mann.... shit talking... thats awesome... between us 4... mann.

 

leaving the house.... lol

 

 

eh... i donno... thats all for now...

 

 

leaving the house..

 

in the car... jeff reaches to get his radio... in the glove conpartment... i close my door and its dark... "oh did you need the light?" open my door... light goes on what did we come to find... jeff totally missed the key hole!!!!! the FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!

 

your awesome... and i like you!

 

 

 

AWw.... THANKS TUB OF LARD FOR TAKING ME HOME your the greatest! *MUAH*

 

WTF is going on...

I don't know what the hell is going on anymore in my life i guess i'm pretty much living it as the day goes!

I heard someone say      

"HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU CAN'T LOVE YOUR SELF FIRST"

 
soo... I think its kind of ture how can you love someone else if you can't love yourself? I mean because right now I REALLY HATE MYSELF.

why must i do this to myself... Put everyone else in before my actions, my feelings, I say i like seeing other people happy but to not be happy myself... WHAT IS THAT?

"when im lost in the rain in your eyes i know ill find the light to light my way! When im scare losing ground when my world is going crazy you can turn it all around. and when im down your there pushing my to the top, your always there giving me all you've got" I TURN TO YOU!

Dang...  did I mess this one up?!?

 

so its been said there are many fish in the sea....

              we're not in the sea!!! we're not fishes we're mammals...

 

one song that best explains my feelings....

 

CHRISTINA MILIAN LYRICS"Until I Get Over You"Woke up today thinking of youAnother night that I made my way throughSo many dreams still left in my mindBut they can never come trueI press rewind and remember whenI close my eyes and I'm with you againBut in the end I can still feel the pain, every time I hear your name[Chorus]The sun won't shine since you went awaySeems like the rain's falling every dayThere's just one heart, where there once was twoBut that's the way it's gotta be,'til I get over you[Verse 2]Walked through the park, in the evening airI heard a voice and I thought you were thereI run away but I just can't escapeMemories of you everywhereThey say that time will dry the tearsBut true love burns for a thousand yearsGive my tomorrows for one yesterdayJust to know that I could have you here[Bridge]When will this river of tears stop fallin'Where can I run so I won't feel aloneCan't walk away when the pain keeps callin'I've just gotta take it from here on my ownBut it's so hard to let go

 

 

 
wanting so much to get over you but its hard... =*(

17 years old... in love... having trouble getting over it...

now that you know

now that you know  I have this.... i guess I can say that i'm glad you know. Although I didn't really want you to know that I have journal I'm glad you know now.

this journal is in all dedication to you, or other things i dont want people to read. things I have running through my mind that people dont need to know about.

I wanted to show you this to show you this at a later time in life... when I wasnt feeling so much heart ach and shit like that.

Okay... here is the thing. if you alredy read the other entrys you'll porlly understand it all. if you didn't read those yet...
heres the the short version. (maybe)

I put myself in to situations that i can't controll. When you left me hanging I was in the process of making all my priorties straight. I was almost there... untill our "break up" (sorry i don't know  what to call it.) Althought it wasnt officail it was like we were together. We had all the qualitys of it being together just didnt have that title. Yeah. I can only say it over and over and over again but I miss you I don't think there is anyone or anything that can ever change the way that i feel about you. I'm in the process of letting you go but then I dont want to. I'll just set it aside for another day....untill that day you come back to me. In hopes that you will be with me again. But untill then I'll just put all my LOVE for you in a JAR and lable it for you. Although nothing can really contain all my love for you. Its corny I know.. but its the truth. I got LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU. up untill the moment that we were "together" and left I relized that It was so hard for me to let you go. The REASON BEING was that well... not only were you my first but I FELL IN LOVE. YOUR WHOLE PRESENCE YOUR VIBE YOUR EVERYTHING... was so much that i wanted in a man and more. I was so scared to lose you that i would have done anything  not to lose you. That is where I WENT WRONG. I PUSHED YOU AWAY... I Wish you would have said something. I prayed that you would talk to me and let me know what was up or something... IT was all I ever really wanted. thats y i was hella pushing to talk to you. I donno...

Sometimes I get a little frustrated because I get to the point when we are hanging out that I want to like Hug you and never let you. I want to go up to you and kiss you on the lips... But i have to HOLD back.  Not do anything. MAN.... "I STILL LOVE YOU BABE.... I'm STILL FOR YOU BOY, even thought we disagree I'll never leave you baby... Cuz i realize i need you in my life"
 
 

the only thing i can do is pray everynight

chillin with him.

Yo... so like im  here hella chillin thinking about hella shit. listening to joel,julie and jeff talk about college. Yeah... so like i donno... Its crazy... just hella shit needs to be done. So im hella chillin... after school i went home ate then like called up jeff to see if he was going to the meeting. He called me up and said he was at my house. we finally got to the place... blahblahblah.. hella chillin. lalala... i donno its we chilled... talked.. then headed out jovver went home. Jeff and i went to grab something to eat we went to La Costa. its like La Vics but different. YEAH. lol.. CHEEPER. yup... lol WE ARE SAVEGES... WE STOLE A BOTTLE OF TAPATIO! lol... it was hella funny... LOVIN THAT MOMENT. We headed out went to jovvers house and like we chilled. frenchie stoped by then she left, auntie and uncle came home, we then headed out we went over to jeffs house to like chill.. for a bit we were suppose to go to oakridge but that didnt happen.
 
so like everyones gone... whos left jeff joel and julie... they are talking im just pretty much listening... feeling kind of tired... not i dont know what the hells going on...
 
BLEH... thats pretty much it i'm hella chill... waiting to see whats going on... so yeah.. PEACE
 

- i've said it before but i'll say it again i miss you and i will always miss you! you will forever be in my heart and thats where you will stay!

i simply miss you.... being with you is great. we need to hang out... just us. you know talk... or sit... one of the two... hangout on that one hill that we kicked it at... watch the sun go down. you know... all that good stuff. I just want to be with you i miss you so much... i hold all of it in because i dont know how u feel. Sometimes i look at you and you seem troubled. I want to pull that side out of you and have it talk to me... cuz im always here to listen. you always like.... tell me no secreats... but like.... you suck... EH....

 
I DONNO. IHELLA MISS YOU!

 

 
i can only pray!

i'm still in love

so like im sitting here hella chillin and talkign to my cuzin... whom i must say is a DORK!!! but then again when are we not dorks! Yeah what i do gotta say is that i love them all....

SO anyways I was over at my cousins house chillin and we got to talking because she was asking me all these questions while she was eating. I told her that  I hella care for him and that I hella miss him.  Eh... oh well ... i mean that feeling is still there but like... I donno i guess hes happy! well im happy too... not really trying to rush into nething... or like move one... but like  I still like him.. or i mean LOVE him... because i did find out that i did fall in love with him!

 
I'm hella chill.. i mean sometimes it hurts but i dont let it get the best of me... so yeah....

i just wanted to update just a lil because... im here with him now!

 

 

 
MUAHAHAHA

 

i love him...

"the other one"

 So today was a really productive day Got a lot dont esp in class... it was great!!! i'm hella excited because 8 days left!!! 8 days for summer school.. its almost OVER! SCORE!...
 
I got my naps in today... i've been really tired... hella putting myself out there never getting reconized for nething! but whatever thats besides the point.
 
- do you ever get the feeling that the people who u think care about you TALK HELLA SHIT behind your back? Well Yeah for some reason i got that feeling... well i get that feeling when im around some people. It hurts like a lot but i make the best of space and give it to whom ever needs it. I fall out thinking things through... and really its the dreaded cotillion practices....I'm sorry jennelle but this is the worst yet. I have never has so much bad feelings... so much bad vibes coming from everyone or mostly everyone. I stay because I love you. I stay because your my sister... to speak the truth I had my moment where I was thinking of dropping out. Because seeing your brother was to much for me to handle. But i scarificed me suffering... me trying to get through everything seeing him everyday... Just so that it wouldnt be hard on you! I did it because i LOVE YOU. Your my sister and i would never leave you hanging like that!
 the thing that happened today that got to me was that.... we "started" practice and well like stanks was having a problem... yet again another member lost! replacements? suggested camille... and well...  i dea... DUDE!!! auntie came out and was like hey neneng y dont you ask yuong barkada ne jeffrey... you know the other one....  JEFF: NOOO!!!! JENNELLE SAID NO!! man.. it stuck in my head and well it hurt!! i'm over it... got through the night  talking to Ctal and Kaka... it started with  kaka ctal mom and wang... then because us 3 and mom  was telling wang a story. we had hella laughs... Ctall your funny i stil have my cherry.. I have my V card! what a dork! I got peged in the head by and ice cube... ry threw it... and watched jeff ry and chris down some beer... really interusting! yepyep!!! FUNNY STUFF!
 
i guess it was an over all okay day!

 

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD EVER FALL IN LOVE... I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE YOU! I SPOKE TO FUCKIN SOON BECAUSE I DID FALL IN LOVE... AND IT WAS WITH YOU!!!

I never said life was fair!!!
 
but DAMN... it sucks!
I personally would like to know how he feels? if he's happy and all that other junk! anyways!!!! I'm on the verge of passin that line! I'm soo almost there! I want to bad to pass that line, but DANG! I donno its hard because I dont want to do it... i want to go back to when we were okay! when we were like "inseperable". I miss how you would go up to me and ask me if there was somthing wrong, then you would talk to me about it even tho i didnt want to. you always used the line "no secrets... we said no secreats" We made that promise to each other. I never broke it. But you did several times I hella let u slide. I believe in making promises and keeping them.It always hurt when you broke it. I never break a promise because there was once an insadent that happened where i broke it and well it ended off in a bad note. I made a vow to myself that i would never do that again. I guess it was different for you. I DONNO... whatever....
It hurts a lot sometimes but then i try my best to not think of you...
I wanted to get away everytime u were there... I always put up a front acting like i was okay when in reality i wasnt. You would walk in and i was like FUCK...there was a time when i was about to have a breakdown and you were right there.I wanted to RUNN... I wanted so bad to get away to never see you again. I never wanted to talk to you. I never wanted us to end is all...But i can't help what happened. I can't help it at all.. I wished that i never pushed u i wish i never gave u that feeling I FUCKED UP there... but...
I think the reason why i'm not letting you go is because well I fell for you liking you.... we did what we did... but its not just that...I FELL IN LOVE. I never said it to you because i was scared... but now that we are no longer a "item" I RELIZED IT... that I LOVE YOU... i guess its my bad i was trying so hard no to lose you but in reality i lost you by doing that

YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT. I COULD HAVE CHANGED THAT.

On the reals i miss you so much! You dont know dude... MY HEART goes out to you...
I did fall... I fell in love thats what happened and now im STUCK!

I guess thats all...

YO so like im here at home chillin... talkingto karen on the phone. Were hella like complaining How BLOGGER is changing YEAh... i donno.. im bored and tired... and i stink.. i need to go and take a shower i woke up at 930 and now im stinky... hhahaha well i guess thats alll
ttfn
bye bye... i'll update more later!

BATTLEFEST NEW SCHOOL

From the Maker’s of Battlefest Live comes the next generation of dance battles.



Battlefest ”New Schools”

@ Silver Creek High School, San Jose, Northern Califa



Silver Creek High School

3434 Silver Creek Rd.

San Jose, Califa 95121



This time, your group has to be 20 or under.



That’s right; the new break off event from Battlefest Live gives the next generation their due.





Battlefest “New Schools” Xtras:



“Survival of the Illest” 3 on 3 All Styles Battle

Last time ladies of Syde B rocked the roof of the Hyatt Hotel Ballroom. Who’s going to survive the truest test of over all dance skills? 3 person teams, 1 woman required, all styles, DJ chooses the music, Can you survive 2.5 minutes? If so, register at the show. For battle rules go to www.bboxentertainment.net



Live!!! The Return of 3 Style Attractions

3 Style Attractions DJ Showcase

Catch Bay Area legends 3 Style Attraction, mix all night long while they promote their new CD that drops August 15



Live Performances by:



Sicksyde
Battlefest Live V3 Champions, the ladies are back for an encore performance of their championship performance that brought home the gold back in March



Kaba Modern

Straight from UC Irvine, these cats are dance legends straight out of So Cal, show them some love at Battlefest New Schools



More Performers TBA



Silver Creek High School

3434 Silver Creek Rd.

San Jose, Califa 95121



**There are still spots available: email info@bboxentertainment.net

Fuckin SHIT!!!

so I'm here at home hella chillin... its weird because my parents are always telling me to stay home be productive and shit. but DAMN theres nothing to do!! So anyways I can most deffinatly say that I'm hella tired... i'm hella use to like being out not taking any naps... going to sleep like at 10 or not even that... sleep like at 12 or 1 because i'm on the phone with a hommie! I donno. Whatever... Sometimes i just don't feel like doing shit anymore.I don't feel like talking to anyone just... just being by myself... or even to get away! How would it be like to get away from it all! I want so much to be happy but i can't! its fuckin hard! there is just so much that I personally want to know about you but it's seems as though it's the most impossible thing that I can do! I want to talk like firends. I want to miss you and be missed back! I want so much to be with you. Like I told jovver there is hella things that i miss... but... I can't go back to the past because well thats impossible.
If I were to go back to the past and have the chance to change everything I would make it so that I didnt fuck it up... or I'd have it so that i wouldnt be in the position that i'm in!
I want to say... FUCK YOU! SCREW YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! DONT TALK TO ME AGAIN!!! but shit like that is impossible GRR...

I pray everynight!

my first thought when i wake up... my last thought when i go to sleep at night!


I need to get you out of my head!





i can only pray

interusting!

hey there people of america...or i should say the very many people that know i have this. which is only a hand ful.. actully not even a handful. 4 people almost but not quite there.

I had a conversation with my BROTHER jovs, I love this guy!
heres how it went

EYEDENTITyabba: yo
JovVeRsAtyLe: yo....
EYEDENTITyabba: the movies at 930
JovVeRsAtyLe: what are we watching????
EYEDENTITyabba: i forgot the name
JovVeRsAtyLe: whose gonna go???
EYEDENTITyabba: umm..
EYEDENTITyabba: jeff jennelle
EYEDENTITyabba: justine
EYEDENTITyabba: jay
EYEDENTITyabba: me
EYEDENTITyabba: you?
EYEDENTITyabba: and i donno
JovVeRsAtyLe: yup and VAl.....
EYEDENTITyabba: okay
EYEDENTITyabba: right on
JovVeRsAtyLe: imma bring her with me...
EYEDENTITyabba: koo koo
JovVeRsAtyLe: Kinda like her....
EYEDENTITyabba: i figured
JovVeRsAtyLe: how???
EYEDENTITyabba: when i saw u sitting on the swing
JovVeRsAtyLe: last night???
JovVeRsAtyLe: oh...
EYEDENTITyabba: and like i donno.. i just had a feeling that u do
JovVeRsAtyLe: we got hella close over the weekend...
EYEDENTITyabba: im "PATHETIC"
EYEDENTITyabba: thats kool
JovVeRsAtyLe: why do you sa so???
JovVeRsAtyLe: say
EYEDENTITyabba: nooo
JovVeRsAtyLe: "Pathetic????
EYEDENTITyabba: it was a joke
EYEDENTITyabba: it sounds better
JovVeRsAtyLe: what was ???
JovVeRsAtyLe: I'm lost now....
EYEDENTITyabba: the pathetic part
JovVeRsAtyLe: sorry I'm slow...
EYEDENTITyabba: naw
EYEDENTITyabba: its all good
JovVeRsAtyLe: word...
EYEDENTITyabba: it sounds better
EYEDENTITyabba: when i say i to you in person
EYEDENTITyabba: so yeah
JovVeRsAtyLe: ohhhhhhh.....ic ic
EYEDENTITyabba: jovver.. can i call you brother
EYEDENTITyabba: hahaha
JovVeRsAtyLe: sure.....
JovVeRsAtyLe: I don't mind....
EYEDENTITyabba: imma call you manong.
EYEDENTITyabba: one of the two.
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah.
JovVeRsAtyLe: no...NO MANONG....
EYEDENTITyabba: im hella stuck...
JovVeRsAtyLe: I don't like that one...
EYEDENTITyabba: okay
EYEDENTITyabba: okay ill call you brother then
EYEDENTITyabba: i miss haning with you!
JovVeRsAtyLe: word..I do too.........
EYEDENTITyabba: i donno
EYEDENTITyabba: i miss a lot of things
JovVeRsAtyLe: Like???
EYEDENTITyabba: i want to go and like speak on it but i dont want to cry
JovVeRsAtyLe: word....
EYEDENTITyabba: even just saying that is bring tears to my eyes
JovVeRsAtyLe: well I'm here for you....
EYEDENTITyabba: i know you are
EYEDENTITyabba: and i thank you for that
JovVeRsAtyLe: *MUAH*
JovVeRsAtyLe: ;-)
JovVeRsAtyLe: Love you Lots!!!!!
EYEDENTITyabba: i love you too!
EYEDENTITyabba: i means a lot to me jovver
EYEDENTITyabba: like seriously
EYEDENTITyabba: i know i can count on you to be there and hear me out
JovVeRsAtyLe: no doubt.....
EYEDENTITyabba: SO THANK YOU
JovVeRsAtyLe: NO....thank you....
EYEDENTITyabba: :-)
EYEDENTITyabba: dude...
EYEDENTITyabba: i donno...
EYEDENTITyabba: im hella stuck
JovVeRsAtyLe: stuck???
EYEDENTITyabba: like... im in the area.
EYEDENTITyabba: okay its like this
EYEDENTITyabba: theres a line...
EYEDENTITyabba: and this line... is basically what im trying to cross
JovVeRsAtyLe: okay.....
EYEDENTITyabba: and the thing is...
EYEDENTITyabba: theres a lot holding me back
EYEDENTITyabba: i want to move on...
EYEDENTITyabba: but i cant
JovVeRsAtyLe: it always takes a lot to move on....
JovVeRsAtyLe: Time sweetheart....
EYEDENTITyabba: and even if i did try to cross that line...
JovVeRsAtyLe: lots of time
EYEDENTITyabba: i go back over
JovVeRsAtyLe: Reflection
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah...
JovVeRsAtyLe: and surrounding yourself with people that can ease you....
EYEDENTITyabba: what do u mean by that?
JovVeRsAtyLe: by ease you???
EYEDENTITyabba: nm
EYEDENTITyabba: haha..
JovVeRsAtyLe: or what...
EYEDENTITyabba: i thought u said... erase
EYEDENTITyabba: i was like What?
JovVeRsAtyLe: ohh
JovVeRsAtyLe: hahaha
EYEDENTITyabba: it took me a while
JovVeRsAtyLe: word...hahahaha
EYEDENTITyabba: i dont even know about that.
EYEDENTITyabba: its hella hard...
EYEDENTITyabba: the thing of seeing him everyday
EYEDENTITyabba: it sucks
JovVeRsAtyLe: Iknow...
JovVeRsAtyLe: it has to be...
EYEDENTITyabba: we told each other that we wouldnt have the awkward feelings but its there
EYEDENTITyabba: and i donno...
JovVeRsAtyLe: You gotta ask yourself why its there....
JovVeRsAtyLe: then when you understand why its there..its easier to dela with...
EYEDENTITyabba: like even today.. the only thing that i said to him was... hi.. and did i leave my watch at you house
JovVeRsAtyLe: deal
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah
EYEDENTITyabba: but see...
EYEDENTITyabba: i dont put it there...
EYEDENTITyabba: i want to talk tohim
EYEDENTITyabba: i want to have a conversation with him
EYEDENTITyabba: i want that... but its like we cant even do that
JovVeRsAtyLe: then do it....
JovVeRsAtyLe: why not???
EYEDENTITyabba: it seems like he doesnt want to talk to me
JovVeRsAtyLe: It "seems"
EYEDENTITyabba: why is that... im the one who has to start the conversation
JovVeRsAtyLe: but is it certain
JovVeRsAtyLe: I don't think so...
JovVeRsAtyLe: Guys are dumb thats why...
JovVeRsAtyLe: we don't know if people need to talk to us even if they ask...
JovVeRsAtyLe: thats just how guys are in general...
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah
EYEDENTITyabba: but i dont need to talk to him
JovVeRsAtyLe: but I'm sure Jeff is more than willing to talk...
EYEDENTITyabba: it want it to be like how im talkin to you
EYEDENTITyabba: i miss him a lot
EYEDENTITyabba: i hella wonder if he feels the same
JovVeRsAtyLe: ic ic...
JovVeRsAtyLe: I dunno yabba...
JovVeRsAtyLe: Time and patience....
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah
JovVeRsAtyLe: and lots of communicating
EYEDENTITyabba: Eh...
JovVeRsAtyLe: communicating that you wanna communitcate
EYEDENTITyabba: IM HELLA HEART BROKEN...
EYEDENTITyabba: but yeah
EYEDENTITyabba: im getting over it
EYEDENTITyabba: i just need to past that line
JovVeRsAtyLe: and I'll help you get across that line...
EYEDENTITyabba: thanks
JovVeRsAtyLe: you gotta get past that line....but...
JovVeRsAtyLe: not alone....
EYEDENTITyabba: thanks BROTHER!!!
EYEDENTITyabba: u cant see it but im crying!
JovVeRsAtyLe: awwwwww....
JovVeRsAtyLe: don't cry.....
EYEDENTITyabba: I LOVE YOU
EYEDENTITyabba: REALLY
EYEDENTITyabba: I MEAN THAT!
JovVeRsAtyLe: Love You Too.....
EYEDENTITyabba: :-JovVeRsAtyLe: cheer up...
JovVeRsAtyLe: we're gonna chill tonight before i go to arizona
EYEDENTITyabba: i'll be there by tonight
JovVeRsAtyLe: Imma miss you guys...
EYEDENTITyabba: tell ate i said HI!!!
JovVeRsAtyLe: all good though I'll see you guys on aim....
JovVeRsAtyLe: hahah
JovVeRsAtyLe: fo sho
EYEDENTITyabba: actully ill write her a letter
JovVeRsAtyLe: 'll let her know...
JovVeRsAtyLe: okay....
JovVeRsAtyLe: sounds like a plan....
EYEDENTITyabba: then i'll give it to you tonight
JovVeRsAtyLe: fo sho....
EYEDENTITyabba: look...
EYEDENTITyabba: something new
EYEDENTITyabba: http://yabbasaid.blogspot.com
JovVeRsAtyLe: gonna save it under my favorites
JovVeRsAtyLe: whatis it???
EYEDENTITyabba: its my BLOG
JovVeRsAtyLe: another type of xanger
EYEDENTITyabba: im switchin over
EYEDENTITyabba: yup
EYEDENTITyabba: this is the original
JovVeRsAtyLe: oh icic
EYEDENTITyabba: i did it all by myself too
JovVeRsAtyLe: I'm afraid i might get addicted if I try it...
JovVeRsAtyLe: hahaha
EYEDENTITyabba: heheh
EYEDENTITyabba: dont its harder then xanga
JovVeRsAtyLe: oh...
EYEDENTITyabba: u have to do all this HTML stuff
JovVeRsAtyLe: good looking out
EYEDENTITyabba: hehe
EYEDENTITyabba: i know you
EYEDENTITyabba: if its something new your gonna try it out
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah...
JovVeRsAtyLe: I have managed to stay away from myspace....
JovVeRsAtyLe: so proud of myself
EYEDENTITyabba: I dont know what everyones doing
EYEDENTITyabba: they are all downstairs laughing
EYEDENTITyabba: yeah
EYEDENTITyabba: i know
JovVeRsAtyLe: where are you????
EYEDENTITyabba: hella anti myspace
EYEDENTITyabba: im the parents room
EYEDENTITyabba: so what are u up to
EYEDENTITyabba: ?
JovVeRsAtyLe: about to leave....
JovVeRsAtyLe: still gotta pick up Val....
EYEDENTITyabba: word
JovVeRsAtyLe: word....
JovVeRsAtyLe: for reals though...
EYEDENTITyabba: are u two gonna hang
EYEDENTITyabba: or come over here?
JovVeRsAtyLe: not trying to get at her
JovVeRsAtyLe: not sure
EYEDENTITyabba: oh..
JovVeRsAtyLe: alrighty yo
JovVeRsAtyLe: gonna bounce out right now....
JovVeRsAtyLe: I'll see ya in a few???
EYEDENTITyabba: alright bye brother
EYEDENTITyabba: see you in a bit!
JovVeRsAtyLe: bye love.....
EYEDENTITyabba: show her ur abs of steel
EYEDENTITyabba: hahaha
JovVeRsAtyLe: hahaha
EYEDENTITyabba: laters!
EYEDENTITyabba: big hug later
JovVeRsAtyLe: pe@ce
JovVeRsAtyLe: no doubt
JovVeRsAtyLe: ;-)
JovVeRsAtyLe signed off at 7:39:43 PM.


THANK YOU FOR THE TALK BROTHER!!!!

okay day?

I donno today was pretty muhc okay. I sucked on my test... but i finished all my work. IT was pretty cold but then again it was hot in some places....

my "brudder" jovver came home today. He's okay... jeffs eye is hella swollen. and jovver looked like he had a third eye. hahaha.. but umm... besides that Im okay. I was a little irratated because there was some shit that was going on between my hommie... I want to help her out but like the thing is i dont know the people. so i dont want to be apart of the DRAMA. It was a cool day a tad emotional because i went back to the past when i was like a 5th grader and SOME WHITE CHICK WAS A BIATCH!!! and called me a DOG EATER! yeah... memeories Talking about it brings back all that heart ach! TRAMATIZIN... HURTS ME HEART...

i donno school in the morning i sleepy now byebye

one good day... some bad news... but still happy

So like today was kool...
i chilled at home for the most part that well. after a bit of chillin i went to meeting with some of my sisters. headed over to kakas house and she showed me how to do some HTMLs... good stuff headed out to the baraquils. we worked on stuff for battlefest new school.. got alot done and well after we did all that kaka and i chilled listening to salsa music because I'm thinking for doing a so part with just jeff and i for my cotillion. i donno yet. but thats besides the point. We chilled... did a lil work out and then ate dinner... while eating dinner jennelle gets a phone call...she was like Are they okay! got me hella worried justine and i on the side thinking whats going on. Jennelle tells us what happened. PHEW... not so serious... STILL HELLA SCARED... well I was. I MEAN BECAUSE ANYTHING I WOULD PUT ANYONE ELSE BEFORE ME! These guys I LOVE and can't bare to think they got hurt! I mean common now they had to go to the HOSPITAL! but yeah.. they are OKAY! Waiting till i see them! soon! the girls and i played cranium!!! it was dope. HEHe well i watched it was still funny! I like the game! GOOD STUFF!smoothies!!! yumm... I donno over all with my ladies it was good! I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!Ya'll are great!!! AND YOU STINK! hehehe...

jov- I "HATE" YOU! feel better because i care... i'm just a sister that cares a whole lot about you!!! take meds if it hurts kay =)

JEFF- I still like you... FEEL BETTER, I care! like i said take meds if it hurts.. get rest because all you can do is really sleep off the pain!

SISTERS.. YA'll ARE AWESOME!!! We stink.. and we're fat! hehehe I LOVE YOU LADDIES!

richel constantino- hey there miss... thank you for putting me in your prayers i really appreciate it. FOR all your support! its good to know I miss you miss!!1 really i do. I'll see you when i see you

thats all for now

I PRAY EVERY NIGHT....

Ikaw Lang ang MAHAL

Ikaw lang ang mahal at lagi kong dasal
Sana`y di magbago ang damdamin mo
at ang iniisip mo lang at ako
Huwag mong sasabihin
mayroon ka ng ibang giliw
baka hindi makaya kung mawawala ka
Dahil puso ko`y nasanay na
[Palaging ikaw ang nais makita
Ganyan lagi ang aking nadarama
At bakit ikaw ang siyang minahal
at aking inibig na tunay
Huwag mo lamang sanang sasabihin
iiwanan ako at may ipapalit na sa akin]

It is the afternoon of saturday the 10

so well i'm sitting here about to update about my whole week...

Okay so like starting with July 3,2004 I didnt have any plans to really do anything so i called up jeff to see what he was doing... I asked him if I could take him up on his offer of his raincheck. So yeah he came over. We sat chilled and talked for 2hrs and 30 mins about everything. well for the most part it was everything. I got clouser on the subject of us.

I STILL LIKE YOU!!! but... eh... whatever what can i do right?

so after he left I pretty much marinated it was hot and I sat at the computer for most of the day. Why was that well because just like now there was nothing to freakin do. So I did that. after a bit of chillin at home I called up chris to see what he was doingand he said he was going to chill over at a hommies house. I was like sure im down because i have nothing else to do. I ened up leaving my house at like 6.... finally something to do right. Well it wasn't much. We went over to cliffs house watched them play basketball and I basically just like sat there the sun in my fuckin face and then well, after a bit we finally headed over to the actual house.chillin at the house was kool. when we got there we sat and watched tv. For some reason iwas hella tired so like i took a nap. Ha!!! cliff moved me to his room so that everyone else could sit on the couch. We were suppose to go and watch fireworks but by that time, I drank up a lil and the others were just to lazy to move. so we stayed where we were and posted it there. MANN... I'm SO not a FAN of Hard STUFF... BLAH.. not really into that.. me i'm more of a beer drinker, but I lived the night... thanks for looking out for me chris. A night i wont forget..

Happy Belated JULY 4th

hahah so like july 4th it consisted of me waking up going to church and... after that eating lunch.... after i ate lunch i fixed me up my cloths... I chilled did the laundry and then went to double tree. why did we go there. justines cotillion we were suppose to have 2 suites but the people scrwed with the reservations... so well we ended up with 4 rooms instead. its all good in the hood. the lady that coodinated justines cotillion gave here parents a suite and the last day to use it was july4th. so well there you go! all of the court basically went it was awesome that it was so awesome. watched fireworks... they were small but we could see them still form a distance, JINGA, CARDS TONS OF LAUGHS. holdem. I'm the WEENNER!!! Jovvers backla voice and the laugh was hella awesome! althought he woke up papa henry. Jeff grant chris and i played 13... they evetually got bored and left. jeff and i sat at the table and he was teaching me how to play pasoy...I kinda understand it. the time was 4:30 by that time... ryan crystal rachel chris and grant were knocked out. eventually jeff fell asleep after we played cards...that guy i donno how he can sleep on those chairs.I hit my head on the table it hurt... but it was funny i got over it. I wanted to sleep but... my pollow was with grant. he was all over it like melted cheese on bread. i let him have it. my areo bed was taken over by rachel crystal chris karen and jd.... dang it. i had no spot. my blanket was on justine. DANG!!! i had nothing. So I eneded up moving to the bathtub. I put all the towels on the floor of the tub and sat inside. Jennelle was going to sleep with me there but we ended up going back outside. jovver justine jennelle and jorina... <--- wow all J's except myself ... we ended up playing sherades... yeah... jay and jd were awake too they were playing video games. (they are J's too)It was hella funny because the movements that jovver did were hella funny. We didnt understand him. It was like what the fawk...but it was hella funny. Because of our laughing rachel gets up and moves herself to the closet. sorry sister! we eneded our game around 550... then tryed to go to sleep. I was about to go to the bathroom but then jovver told me to stay over where everyone else was. Jeff woke up and i told him to lay down on the floor. that he could use my blanket. I eneded up giving him a towel and a sweater for a pillow. Because at that point i didnt care. everyone else had my stuff!!! then like.. i sat down... jovver sat next to me... justine jorina,jay and jennelle were on the couch bed. jennelle wasnt having it and she moved to a spot on the floor with pillows under her.tryed to fall asleep but jovver kept talking. Eh... the floor usually a place i could sleep but mann... not kool... no tengo pillow.. Justine gave me my blanket back. YAY!!! i was a wake for the most part. couldnt really sleep i had like what 30 mins of actually sleep. i woke up to the sound of jeff snooring in my ear. and when i turned over jovvers thingy was in my face!!! he had to sleep the other direction!!!not kool i was paranoid when we first layed down because jovvers ass was in my face and i was scared he was going to fart i mean because he did say i'm sorry if i fart when im sleeping! Dang!!! mann what a pooper! so i had to face the other way the whole time. i donno. I was kinda pissed when people were awake i wanst sleeping i was laying there with my eyes closed pretending to sleep. yeah. i donno i couldnt take it. whatever. it eventually turned 10 everyone was awake except myself jeff grant jorina and jennelle. everyone else went up to get breakfast. fun! ha! we all eventually got up around 1030 and got ready to leave.

I rolled with grant, droped jay home, then the 4 of us went to the ordillos. joel was there with julie... he tryed to scare us... grant came and left. jennelle got ready. bj picked her up and then joel and julie left. jeff and I just chilled watched Tv... fell asleep.. for a bit and then... I asked him if i could shower. and so i did.. we went to go and visit their lola. dropped jennelle off at home and then jeff and i went to costco. FAWKER.... hit my ankle with the CART! i was walking with a pimp walk for a bit! hahaha.... its all good... listening to the reggae/house mix... it was dope... "touch you ears, touch your nose, touch your thighs and reach for the sky!"(with the hand movements and everything!)HAHAHA! BITCH! mann i was soo tired!!! practice....fuckin shit. i hated on myself. the salsa spilled on my shirt... luckly i was waring another shit under it! quick change.! hehe... after that... long day... i needed to go home school the next day!!

-----------my emotional break down of the day

Man there is just sooo much bullshit that i want to get rid of... some i want to hold on to. I want to take the things that i have thrown away and hold on to it. I want to take this broken heart and sew it back together... I want to be happy. I want to make my parents proud of me I want them to see me in my glory. i want to be proud. Want to be reconized... I want TO JUST BREATH!!!..... inhale.... exhale... BREATH...

Come get me
take me take me to the ultimate bliss...
where life is worth the wait... where time holds its place.

so high up in the sky.
oblivious to what we will become.
my heart races everytime i step into the room... your there.. and i breath
we walk out hand in hand.
thinkin this is the best moment of my life.
I dont think i can be any happier.
my sincer appologies to you, my fault, my mistake, i'm sorry
heart felt arguments that turn out for the better.
I sware i've changed...
little by little i dig my self in to a deeper hole
I want to get out I told my self i would never fall.

fixated on what has become
I fell apart when you said those words
" I JUST WANT TO FUCK IT,DROP EVERYTHING, AND LEAVE IT ALONE"
you grabed me by the hand and took me to a place that i've never been.
said some words that left me...
stuck titering off that high above limb.
I spoke my words as you sat there and listened.
made faces like what the fuck...
as tho i was speaking some forgin toung.
with tears rolling down my face...
I wonder...

I've dug the deepest hole.
unable to pull myself out.
it seems as tho the walls were closing in and i scream digging myself deeper
I want to see
to see what has become
to relize that its gone
Im here and your there
unsatisfied of what i have become.
it gets worse before it gets any better
someone please press rewind
I want to go back... back to being happy..

Come get me
take me take me to the ultimate bliss...
where life is worth the wait... and time holds its place.


------ NOT THE GREATEST still need to revise it and shit!

just the beginning

soo this is the start of something new...

yet again another damn journal... what the fuck!... its funny how i actully do this shit... i mea take the time to write in it. I mean it may not even be a whole lot but I do it.

theres this guy who i think is an asshole. He puts me in my temper spot i just want to shoot him. Ha yeah right. Im just there and it hurts. I need to get over his ass! seriously. I donno. PISSSED... Im OUT up date tomorrow