Update

I realized i've done wrong. but I leave myself with no room for regret. Theres no point in me hating myself for the things that i've done, because being angry on makes you tired. And I need all the energy I can get to grow and learn from my mistakes.
dont you just hate it when things come in waves, one right after the other pounding on you, no room that you can't even lift you head up to breath?
you think to yourself "why didn't i just go to a lake or a pool its a lot more calm."
as quickly as you ask yourself that question you give yourself an answer. "I came out here for a challange, to experiecne something new." And this is what it is for me. 2007 started off great, but ended with a whole bunch of waves coming at me tossing me everywhich way, even giving me a leg cramp. no matter how many waves bring me down i still keep swimming upward... all the way to the top to catch a breath.

2008 is a bit on the rocky side... but i'm sure i can pull through.


Monday, December 31, 2007

Subject:no to resolutions this year
why do i say no? its because every year i say that I'm going to do something but never follow threw with it for the rest of the year. so this year I'm not going to make one. This year is going to be different from the rest because well its just going to be. Time for readjustments and some changes. In serious need of some love, laughs, arguments, tears, happiness, this will probably be brought to my by those who i love/dislike n haven't seen in a while. So I'm ready for you new year.Good bye 2007 you made me laugh, you made me cry, you took some people from me, you gave me new interest, you gave me my first accident, and its the first time i lost my phone, you brought old friends back into my life and i've also made new ones. So thank you 2007 for the good times and the sad times.

---------------------------

one way to end a year on the16th of december 2 weeks b4 da year ends get into a car accident 17-24 december spend all ur work money on gifts 4 other ppl 24th, hang out w/ hommies go home da morning of da 25th get ready 4 church with family hav lunch n go 2 hommies house n chill 26-28 work ur ass off, n dat thursday n firday get faded Thursday make sure u drink but not to much that u can't go to work the next day, go from a club to a bar, follow people who don't kno where their going. walk past da garage only 2 go back 2 it, get 2 da bar n wait outside becaouse of cops, eventually get in, see ppl u know n almost get into a fight w/ sum drunk ass beeziee.Make sure dat Friday u get soo faded dat u drunk text ppl, use da bathroom bout 6 times, lose ur phone n nothin else, throw up right next 2 da bar, supposidly on sum1 shoe, go 2 dennys w/ da girls u went clubbin w/ n throw up in da bathroom sittin on da floor. talking 2 1 of ur best girls bout problems. den eventually hav ur bf come n pick u up w/ 1 of ur best guy friends take u home but b4 we exit 2 home pound on da window tellin em 2 pull over n throw up on the side of da road. after dat get into ur house run 2 da bathroom throw up sumore rip off da cloths u we wearin put on ur pjs and pass out. 29th wake up hung over dat u can't go 2 work so u call in n 4 da rest of da day u sleep 30 chill with the bf and some friends... get a phone call from one ur best girlfriends to go out to reggae nights... go to Family's house n get ready go to reggae night n have a blast 31 do as much as u can n get ur phone back online. now all u need is ppls numbers, go to OSH pick up some stuff den go to Walgreen n head to the bfs house. chill for a min shoot back to ur house make sushi n clean da house and find urself updatin about da new years.
10:19 PM

Sunday, December 23, 2007

sybject: done with
i'm freakin done.
... I'm sorry that u're the one walking in and out of my life.
hommies for life but nothing more...
I thank you for all the good times. and i'm sorry that i've ever made the effort.
4:01 AM

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

subject: 12-16-07

I will never know who you are,

but I will always love you
12-16-07
12:51 AM

Monday, December 17, 2007
subject: contemplating
choices need to be made,
life style changes, need to be handled
the who, what, where, when, why, and how questions need to be answered.
is its really love? is it just false assumptions? the want and need to be with someone special?love is a crazy thing.
decisionsclarification..... new chapter of my life needs to be updated and changed....

but as for now i shall do what i have to do to get by and... when something new happens. i will deffinatly let you know.
10:53 PM

current facts about ME

WITH 2007 COMING TO AN END
1. Have you had any relationships this year?
yes, still in one and made many friendships
2. Have you had your birthday yet?
yes, just passed
3. Cried yet?
sadly yess
4. Been on a diet?
bloop
5. Pulled an all nighter?
YessURR
6. Drank Starbucks?
tried to stay away but I couldn't help but have some
7. Went Camping?
planned too.. but never did =(
8. Bought something(s)?
yep... why wouldn't i?
9. Met someone special?
yep, THEIR FUCCIn AWESOME
10. Been out of state?
Yep, VEGAS 2x before i even turned 21
12. What are you thinking about?
what to do about FRIDAY... and my TEST... ITS NIKOLES BIRTHDAY
___________________________________________________________
1.) Hugged someone?
WHEN DO I NOT
2.) Slept in someone else's bed?
yep
3.) Got a job?
currently employeed at NIKE
4.) Loaned out money?
loan, but I don't expect nething back netime soon
5.) Gotten in a car accident?
yeah it was my first...SIGH
6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?
nope
7.) Been called a #####?
not like the person ment it but YES
8.) Done something you regret?
nothing that i know of.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
01. Have you ever been in love?
YES....
02. Do you believe in love?
yes
03. Why did your LAST relationship fail?
.... I STILL DONT KNOW.... whatevs
04. Have you ever been heartbroken?
don't gotta ask me twice
06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
hahaha.... YEP...
07. Have you ever loved someone but never told them?
yep
08. Are you afraid of commitment?
when i get to that point i'll let you know
10. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life?
naw...2, currently in one
___________________________________________________________
FOUR EMOTIONS
01. Are you missing someone right now?
i'm always missing someone
02. Are you happy?
as of right 12:52am nov 15th,2007, NO I AM NOT
03. Are you eating anything?
nope
04. Do you like someone right now?
yep

IN TODAYS NEWS

This morning I turned on my TV to watch the news and see whats going on with traffic and the weather.

Top story of the morning...

More beaches closed,
dirty birds
reported as oil spill in bay spreads

"Most of the oil from the largest spill in San Francisco Bay in more than a decade appears to have gone outside of the Golden Gate, officials said today, but the Coast Guard is still assessing the extent of damage to beaches and wildlife and officials said oil sheens remain visible inside the bay.

During the morning, more reports of birds coated with oil were coming in, including one found at Crissy Field, a few at Fort Baker, and some at Ocean Beach. But wildlife officials have not found any oiled snowy plovers, which are on the federal endangered species list. Contaminated birds are being taken to the University of California-Davis to be cleaned with a special solution. O'Neill said he is particularly concerned about the restored marsh at Crissy Field, and officials have deployed a second oil boom has been deployed to protect it. So far, O'Neill said he can see some oil sheen in the marsh waters.

"We're hoping for the best," he said.

At Rodeo Beach in the Marin County Headlands, 10 contaminated birds were found, seven of which were still alive. The birds are being taken to the International Bird Rescue Reseearch Center in Cordelia, where the birds are washed with a grease-cutting detergent.

The cleanup effort at Rodeo Beach began around noon, where a half-dozen workers wearing protective clothing and gloves shoveled up globs from the oil spill as school groups on nature tours looked on. A part of the beach tideline is marked by black, gooey oil, and workers are trying to finish the cleanup before the tides move back in.

The cleanup is being conducted by contractors hired by the company which owns the vessel that caused the spill, but Coast Guard and state officials are monitoring the cleanup procedures. The company has deployed 10 oil skimmers, boats that skim water and take out oil. Three are working outside the Golden Gate.

"So far, they are doing a very good job," Uberti said.

Late this morning, the coast guard was surveying the waters to see if the oil has dispersed outside the Golden Gate or if it remains in a large conglomeration, Uberti said. Officials also want to see if tides might possibly bring oil back into the Bay.

As the oil spill moved through the Golden Gate, it reached from Alcatraz to Angel Island to the San Francisco and Marin shores, forcing the closure of several beaches.

Terry Picon, walking her black standard poodle JB, at Crissy Field on Thursday.

"I was just out there yesterday, looking at the sea lions and saying what a beautiful place," Terry Picon said Thursday morning while walking her black standard poodle JB at Crissy Field,one of their regular hants. "Then I heard on the news about the oil spill. It's awful. You don't expect it to happen in your own back yard. Sure sounds like somebody was asleep at the wheel."

Representatives from federal, state and local agencies huddled at Fort Mason this morning to decide how to handle cleanup. The agencies ordered several beaches closed because of health concerns. The closures included Baker Beach, China Beach, Crissy Field and Fort Point in San Francisco and Black Sands Beach, Kirby Cove and Rodeo Beach on the Marin County side of the Bay.

The spill reached isolated Alcatraz a few hours after the crash.

The 900-foot-long container ship, navigating through heavy fog about 8:30 a.m. Wednesday, struck the bumpers protecting the base of the second suspension tower west of Yerba Buena Island. The impact cut a gash estimated to be about 80-feet long and 20-feet wide toward the front of the ship's left side. The impact punctured a fuel tank, allowing fuel oil to leak into the Bay. Wednesday, U.S. Coast Guard crews worked to surround the spill with floating boom, removing at least 8,000 gallons with skimmer ships and absorbent pads, said spokesman U.S. Coast Guard Petty Officer 3rd Class Michael Anderson.

For years biologists have been concerned that a significant oil spill inside San Francisco Bay could cause major environmental damage. The reason? The Bay has only one narrow opening at the Golden Gate, and the right combination of currents could push oil south, coating sensitive San Mateo, Alameda and Santa Clara County marshes, which are home to fish, birds and harbor seals.

Wednesday, signs were posted warning the public not to swim or fish in several areas, and a hot line was set up to take reports of fouled wildlife.

Anderson said the agency came up with the preliminary estimates by taking water samples from the Bay and comparing the liquid load on the vessel before and after the crash. "It's a fairly complicated process," he said.

The last spill of this magnitude happened in 1996, when the Cape Mohican, a military reserve vessel, spilled 40,000 gallons of fuel oil into San Francisco Bay near Pier 70.

Prior to that, an explosion on another ship, the Puerto Rican, spilled 1.5 million gallons of oil in the open ocean off the Golden Gate in 1984.

By comparison, the Exxon Valdez spill was 11 million gallons.

The collision had no effect on the bridge or anyone driving across it, and Caltrans engineers who examined the structure determined that the vessel did not make contact with the actual concrete abutment, said Caltrans Bay Bridge spokesman Bart Ney.

But the impact damaged the vessel, owned by South Korean Hanjin Shipping. It was carrying containers for the China Ocean Shipping Co.

Once the ship's crew and the Coast Guard had transferred fuel from the breached tank and contained the spill with absorbent foam barriers, it was moved across the Bay to Anchorage Nine, offshore from the former naval station in Alameda.

The Coast Guard prohibited boats from getting within 100 yards of the ship or 50 yards on either side of the slick, Neff said.

The San Francisco public health department issued a statement noting that oil vapors had sickened people onshore, causing headaches and nausea, but said the fumes posed no long-term health effects. Ney said the damage to the bridge could be fixed without too much trouble, but would probably require an emergency contract."- San Jose Mercury News

its quite sad.... I feel for the animals. I mean it just brings me to the point with the whole depleting ozone, Mother Nature is in Full effect (ie: extreme winds spreading fires, Earthquakes, hurricane Katrina) Freaking GAS PRICES ARE TO THE EXTREME.


my thoughts wrapped into one question...
"WHATS GOING ON WITH THIS WORLD?"



till laters.... thats my 2 cents
-abby

Kudos like the snack

I gave myself a Kudos because I'm extra happy. Things are pulling together and I'm really looking to the brighter side of things. It has been a hard first couple months of school, from a close friend passing, to the first day of school, to my dad getting sick, then my uncle passing, to midterms, to my 21st. It's been friggin NUTTS! No other words can express how that feeling is. Any hows.

The reason I gave my self Kudos is for the fact that I'm getting my head straight toughening up, growing some balls and not letting anything pull me down. I applied at Nike in valley fair, they called me 2 days later telling me i got an interview. I wasn't sure that I did all that great in my interview, the lady said that she was going to let us know if we got the job or not on WED which is today. I wasn't expecting to get a call untill 5pm but she called at 245 asking if i was still interesting and I said yes. she told me what I had to do and well HERE I AM. all SMILES and contemplating my schedule for saturday(10th). ITS GONNA BE ONE CRAZY DAY! anyways I'm sooo excited can't wait for the season to begin.

It maybe parttime seasonal but HEY. a job is a JOB. if they like me and decide to keep me, and I like where i am with school. then I think i'll keep it. =D.... one step closer to getting what i need to get done.


1 more year is about to be over in this chapter of my life, and another year is about to be OPEN. can't it be anymore exciting then this. =D

100 Car accident on Cali Highway

In Yesterdays News.... Nov 3rd 2007
At least 100 cars, including nine big rigs were involved in a pileup on Highway 99 just south of Fresno killing two people and injuring dozens more. Dense fog is believed to be the cause, though authorities are still investigating.

Its like a Story straight out of twilight zone. Its pretty crazy ain't it. Never would have thought something like would happen. But looks like it can and it will. Be careful out there guys! just be a little more away of whats going on around you. like my driving instructor told me "look a head, plan ahead."

need i say MORE???

YOU CAN COME OUT AND PLAY TOO...



BIRTHDAY, WEEK , MONTH...


if you Beezees haven't noticed its' gonna be one crazzy MONTH!!! SOOOO MANY BIRTHDAYS SOO MUCH TO CELEBRATE. OH WHAT A MONTH NOVEMBER IS.

THIS I PROCLAIM TO YOU, TO COME OUT WHEN YOU CAN BECAUSE EVERY DAY IS GONNA BE A SPECIAL DAY!

NOV.
(SAT 10)
- DARRLY DEL ROSARIO TURNS 21.
-Giving Thanks a week EARLY w/ da WEEKENDERS
(SUN. 11)
-Jason Lee turns 21
- BBox Entertainment presents Mecca (vallejo city)
- DINNER @ CAMPBELL SANOMACHICKENCOOP 7pm. RSVP. MESSAGES ME BACK, BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOO!!!

(MON. 12) Its MY 21st BIRTHDAY
ITS Veterens Day NO SCHOOL
-PHILLIP DE CASTRO turns 22
-Josephine Mendoza Turns 18
-Rhea Belonia turns 21
I'm NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THIS BDAY
probably recovering this day...
(TUES. 13)
- SCHOOL... n NOTHING GOING ON
- $2 tuesdays neone want to come out???
(WED 14)
- Jezel TURNS 21 whoot whoot

(THURS 15)
-Nikole Del Rosario 22
-NIKS house?
- TASTE
(FRI 16)
-Jaysons Birthday 26
- KOJI SAKE LOUNGE FOR PREFADE (all you 21and uppers are INVITED Let me know if your comming along???) VOODOO RIGHT AFTER THE PREFADE TO DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!

(SAT 17)
- NIKS PARTY!!!!
- JAYSONS BAR HOPPIN!!!

(SUN.18)
-JOEY PARDO Turns 23




ITS GONNA BE AN EVENTFUL WEEKEND SO YOU BETTER COME OUT AND CELEBRATE WITH ME!!!! YOU KNOW I HAVEN't SEE YA'll IN MONTHS OR EVEN YEARS!!!!

HOLLA AT ME IF YOU WANT TO COME OUT NE OF THESE DAYS!

Dont call me an alcoholic because i'm not one HAHAHA!
WIT LOTTS A<3
ABBY

I blogged it I messaged it I posted it as a bulletin WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT???

ITS BEEN YEARS

I can't believe I'm using this thing again! its been years since I last used this! Anyways I guess I'm back and here to stay.

something old and yet its still something new.
TAGALOG:
"ikaw lang ang mahal at lagi kong dasal
Sana`y di magbago ang damdamin mo
at ang iniisip mo lang at ako
Huwag mong sasabihin
mayroon ka ng ibang giliw
baka hindi makaya kung mawawala ka
Dahil puso ko`y nasanay na
[Palaging ikaw ang nais makita
Ganyan lagi ang aking nadarama
At bakit ikaw ang siyang minahal
at aking inibig na tunay
Huwag mo lamang sanang sasabihin
iiwanan ako at may ipapalit na sa akin]
Kasi Ikwa lang ang mi na mahal"

ENGLISH: "You're the only one I love and I always pray for.
I Hope you don't changed your feelings,
and I hope your thinking of me.
Don't say you have a new love,
because I can't handle to lose you,
for my heart is use to having you
[I always want to see you, that is how I am feeling
Why did I love you and Love you TRULY?
Don't say that you'll leave me and have be with someone else]
Because you're the one I love"

i've been thinking of you

there has been some though in my head about certain someones. I think its just that.. i miss i love I donno... i'm sooo confused. I can't believe that I put myself in to this situation... i've done it yet again. see a person leaves and then comes back and those certain feelings i had befor for that certain someone came back... I don't think it's my fault but I've got that feeling back and I don't want to let it go even tho it gets me angry. EH... well i'll be up and out...



I hate her.... I hate him!!! when i say hate i really mean it.

teh sad thing is

the sad thing is... HOW IS IT POSSIBLE I'm STILL HERE? really... seriously Why am I s tull stuck on this feeling? I think theres pobably some un finished business? could that be the reason? if it is... then DAMN! What keeps bring this up? i have No idea i thought it was out of my system. I guess not. ERRR FUCK!

i think

can you believe its been like 2 months now since i've seen those people.. I can and i think that its kinda sad that i'm the one that is the one that trys to keep in contact with them. because they can't do so for themselves... I'm actully talking about one particullar person when i say this

I thought you said you wanted to be friends still???? so where has that gone? It seems like i'm the one thats trying to make this friendship work. I'm the one thats trying to push for everything. It doesnt seem like your making anykind of effort. Maybe i should have just stuck with my original plan... which was to NOT TALK TO YOU AT ALL... or even try to call and see whats up with you. I mean isn't that what friends do... atleast see whats up with one another? Yeah so we don't hang out anymore....I don't mind. the thing that bothers me.. is YOUR THE ONE THAT WANTED TO STAY FRIENDS AND YOUR NOT MAKING AN EFFORT.

From what i see from you... I think its JUST SAD!

SOME FRIEND YOU TURNED OUT TO BE.

ugh..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!


ugh.... YEAH...... thats all..

soo..

FAWK.....





WHAT IS SOOO FUCKING WRONG.....

DAMN!!!!!!!



CAN't GET OVER IT!!!!

the wirdest dream ever

my dream started me out at my cotillion night. same senerio.... double tree... kicked out home.... chillin with the hommies there and then... it was the end of a beautiful relationship. with all those i love. MY OHAN.

next think i know the scene changes.

4-5 months later i'm walking down to a hall way which comes to be my church. walking with me is my family and we go in... Mass starts... mass ends. I go and do my daily routine of going to to SELAH and say my hellos say whats up to ALex and Greg. and to my suprise who do i run into. Justine Rachel and Jeff. I was like OMG!!! HEY GUYS!!! hows it going what are ya'll up to? Justine and Rachel tell me that they have to leave.... that was all and then they leave. next thing I know i'm standing outside chatting away with Jeff crackin some jokes... wondering hows hes doing. as that is happening we walk towards the back parking lot where I and my family parked. I asked him what he was doing here and he told me "I remeber you saying long time ago that alex sang at this time and i wanted to come and see... " me:"but that was like last year???" him:"i know...I just wanted to come and see what it was about because last time i rember u invited me to go to mass with you but i didn't come. " me:"oh okay? sooo how are things with you? hows school? and hows.......?" "schools okay you know same ol same ol..." me: "figures...." him:"whats that suppose to mean?" me:"nothing, but...... OH NM" and he totally avoided the other question. we walked into the parking lot which led us to saying goodbye. I said good bye told him it was nice seeing him and I huged Him. as he was hugging me ever so tight he wispers in my ear "I...YOU!" i pull away and say HUH? look at him in the eyes and then... thats when we kissed... my heart was beating soo fast. i reply "I miss you." he lets go looks at me and hugs me. me:"what are you doing later?" him:" I don't know... not really much of anything?" me: "no plans at all? hugh... weird... I guess thats cool. Maybe I should stop by your house so we could talk." "do you need me to pick you up?" "oh no, I forgot to tell you I drive now. i got my licens 3 months ago. I was planing to call you up and tell you when i got it. but i figured that you might have been busy. oh yeah by the way hows work ?" "it good... Yeah you should stop by so" "Oh shoot" " what? " "my dad... hes pulling out. maybe i should go now." jeff ducks be hind a car holding my hand looks at me and say "I don't want you to leave yet. i miss you. call me later stop by?..." "yeah I will... i just gotta go and eat with the family and I'll be there after that YEAH?" he looks at me as he sits on the floor be hind the car and me squating infront of him. I lean in for a hug and he kisses me on the cheek. We say good bye...
and thats when I wake up.....

CRAZY!!!!!!! it got me all teary eyed. IT MAKES ME MISS HIM... but I'm just trying to get over it all....


eh...


whatever.

it more like......

I miss a whole lot of what happened in the past... but i can't turn back time and go through it again. But if i was ever able too... i would change a whole lot of things.

what has come to be...

there aren't anymore of those phone calls. nothing about,chilling our just hanging out. there aren't anymore of those reandom hellos just to see how someone is doing. there isn't so much of those deep conversations that use to happen, there isn't any more of those just kicking it at someones house just for the hell of it.. and staying at that house till early in the morning just because, and there isn't anymore of those really good hugs and kisses of hello and good byes.... and theses are some of the things that i miss the most


the way i see it now
is that there isn't any more of all that stuff... I feel as tho there isn't anything with the ohan anymore. that feeling of being pushed out of the circle. more people come in and i'm being taking out. I love my ohan there is no dbout about that, i know i will always have you guys you all, will forever be my brothers and sisters... except jeff (none of that sibling ish )"say siblings"... haha. BUT jeff you will always be my first love the "boyfriend", i will never forget you. Like i've said before you have made and everlasting impression on my mind, body, soul and heart and i will never for get that. YOU GUYS... are the greatest people i have ever met We kept it together for 4 years and still kinda going.

the truth is...
i feel like i'm not apart of that circle anymore.

these past months have been life changing
and well i've been making some great decisions. and there maybe well something that i might have to do.... is well leave. and probably not keep contact... i donno if i will actully be doing that. but, i guess there will be a whole lot less of me to be seen. I guess give me a year or something. i donno.... it still an undecided dession that i have to make.

Just know that
no matter what the decision is i make i will always love you guys
MY OHANA... my brothers and sisters and EXbOyFRIEND.


We've been through alot and i donno...


where do i really stand i all this...

my drama is my drama... not any of yours. just some things that i'm going through. don't worrie about me i'll be okay. OH THE POSSIBILITIES



a post that isn't really finished... just some thoughts that i wanted to pass along

i take back everything

I take back everything that i ha ve recently just said to you...

i take back all the nice things i ever said to you.

all i'm really able to say is sorry for being a bitch. but thats it.

after its all over i'm done. I'm guessing its over over because i can't bare to see you or be near you. It hurts to damn much.

i hope that you have a happy life with out me in it. I think me... for you I'm just a problem, or a person you know that you dont give a fuck a bout because when i do talk to you. you dont seem to interusted. you dont seem like you care when you said " i still care for you"

fuck... HYPOCRITE!!!!

tell me to get my proirities straight.... you tell me what ur stressing about and then you dont handle it. no offence.... but you'd rather go to _-_ _ _ _ _ _ instead of being there for me. Nio dbout i thank you for going... un like some... but... it still hurts the fact theres that.
ESP that its the week of.
My thought is...
IS IT REALLY MANDITORY??? i mean you have hella more practices till battlefest.... my cotillion is this weekend. I let it slide the last couple of times because well... my cotillion wasnt last week or the week before. what i'm saying that i'm tired of letting things slide i'm tired of being too... FUCKING NICE for my own good. I did to much to accomidate to everyones sechedual.... (i know i'm being selfish)... ITS MY TURN... ITS TIME FOR ME... don't complain to me. I asked you to do me this favor... i asked you... it didnt mean that you didnt have to say yes.(reffering to everyone) DON'T complain... and dont tell me.... anything because you agreeded.. and if you couldnt do it... well thats all you had to say. I AM AN UNDERSTANDING PERSON... I LET A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS SLIDE... but its this weekend... this weekend is what im impling... IF YOUR JUST DONT THIS TO PISS ME OFF THEN WELL YOU'VE DONE IT. IF YOUR MAD AT ME.. then thats fine.... LETS JUST GET THIS THING OVER WITH AND WE'LL BE DONE WITH IT. WE DON'T HAVE TO SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.... (still reffering to everyone)



with out adbout... you all are GREAT... hands down i wouldn't change any of you guys... I wouldn't do a lot of things..... but this time... i donno... we'll see...



ERRRRGGHHHH...

enough with all the bull crap

unable to lift what has been damaged...

i picked up all the pices... but still haven't tried to put them back together. I mean slowly but surely i think it will come together. but I'm not so sure about that. Its hard as it is...


so... humm...

my feelings right now: i feel very stressed out. I've thrown down the safe gaurd and i'm putting on my boxing gloves. ITs time for the bitch in me to come out... and well... it has yet to begin. WATCH YOURSELF. This is going to be a a big on..... and i might have to put myself on blast. megaphone. NO NEED.

anyways... I might be on the verge of a total break down with being so overwhelmed with everything. I wish there was that shoulder that i could cry on. That someone who i can tell everything to and not have to worrie about whats going to happen. I wish i had that again. I feel so helpless.

It doesnt help at the fact that I think he hates me.



DAMN FUCK... SHIT!!!! ERRRRRR....... YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY! I HATE YOU... I HATE THIS.. I HATE...

WHY AM I STILL HERE.... WHY?
WHY DO I STILL CARE?
am i still heart broken?
am I jealious?

is it that....

FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND OH YEAH YOU!!!!

I HATE YOU!

about 3 or soo weeks left then this madness will be fuckin over and you'll never have to see me ever again.

I just want to break down and cry with you holding me in your arms...

DAMN... those times... damn those memories... DAMN IT!

"6,8,12"Ooh, oohDo you ever think about me?Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?In the middle of the night when you're awake,Are you calling out for me?Do you ever reminisce?I can't believe I'm acting like thisI know it's crazyHow I still can feel your kiss[1] - It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours Since you went away I miss you so much and I don't know what to sayI should be over youI should know better but it's just not the case It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours Since you went away Do you ever ask about me?Do your friends still tell you what to do?Every time the phone rings,Do you wish it was me calling you?Do you still feel the same?Or has time put out the flame?I miss you Is everything okay?[Repeat 1]It's hard enough just passing the timeWhen I can't seem to get you off my mindAnd where is the good in goodbye?Tell me why, tell me why[Repeat 1]Sing it for meOoh, ooh

All i wanted was to work things out but you never gave it a chance.

BLAH...

I MISS YOU!!!!..... and still love you

ITS FUCKING BULLSHIT

You know what.... I'm just not going to fucking care anymore.

Say thank you to fucking everyone else except for me....

Its my bad for being SOOOO FUCKING UNDERSTANDING RIGHT!

Well you know what FUCK YOU!!!

its breaks my heart... no thank you for fucking anything that i do or did for you.

If you were still a true friend, you would have my back, you would ask me whats wrong, you could say thank you, you would/ could/ should have said and done a whole lot of things

but you didn't

SO ARE U STILL MY FRIEND. OR YOU JUST THERE?
















why do i still care for you when you dont give a FUCK ABOUT ME?

at random.

living it up.... trying to get past all the difference...and be happy with what i have... what i have lost and what i gained...

in reality i didn't lose anything I GAINED SOMETHING that can be sooo MUCH BETTER!

still in love with BOB... Can't change anything about that.. Like said before he will always be in my HEART =p... looking to the feature for more things

6 degrees of seperation

so like the past weekends i've been going out because you know i want to... and feel like it... and well..
i've been meeting tons of people... and well these people ask me about people if i know such and such and well I do...

talgang crazy...

so like speaking about meeting new people...

I met 3 people whom i found interust in...

oh yeah. thats all.

--------
seperated now... poss for later... peace easy BITCHES

family against the only girl and the youngest

HEY EJ...
FCUK YOU BITCH.... SOME BROTHER YOU ARE I didnt EVEN DO SHIT TO YOU I donnO WHY THE FCUK YOU ARE HELLA MAD AT ME.... SEEMS As THO THIS WHOLE FAMILY IS OUT TO GET ME.. OR ALWAYS PUTS THE BLAME ON ME AND SHIT... DANG WHAT THE FCUK IS THAT!!!???!!!

ITS STUPID BULLSHIT... thats what it is ALWAYS COMING UP WITH A LAME ASS EXCUSE AND SHIT.


HELLA GETS ME HEATED and ITS LIKE WHAT THE FCUK!

DAMN... I'm SOO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T KNOW



peoples these days






it so fcuking hard to get a hold of people now and days!!! its pisses the shit out of me and i just want to like kick some peoples ass just because they pissed me off!!! I donno I hate this FEELING...GRRR...




its like EVERYONE IS SAYINS FCUK ABEGAIL SHE ISNT WORTH A DAMN THING!!!

others before at LEAST YOU HAD DEDICATED PEOPLE...


SAME PEOPLE NOW ARE JUST TIRED!!!


FCUK DONT GIVE SHIT ABOUT ME KAY... DO ME THAT FAVOR AND SAY TO ME FCUK YOU I DONT CARE... DROP OUT OF MY COTILLION.... DO IT.... FCUK...


ALL THiS Shit AND FOR NOTHING!!! FCUK!!!!!