FAWK.....
WHAT IS SOOO FUCKING WRONG.....
DAMN!!!!!!!
CAN't GET OVER IT!!!!
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Friday, December 17, 2004
the wirdest dream ever
my dream started me out at my cotillion night. same senerio.... double tree... kicked out home.... chillin with the hommies there and then... it was the end of a beautiful relationship. with all those i love. MY OHAN.
next think i know the scene changes.
4-5 months later i'm walking down to a hall way which comes to be my church. walking with me is my family and we go in... Mass starts... mass ends. I go and do my daily routine of going to to SELAH and say my hellos say whats up to ALex and Greg. and to my suprise who do i run into. Justine Rachel and Jeff. I was like OMG!!! HEY GUYS!!! hows it going what are ya'll up to? Justine and Rachel tell me that they have to leave.... that was all and then they leave. next thing I know i'm standing outside chatting away with Jeff crackin some jokes... wondering hows hes doing. as that is happening we walk towards the back parking lot where I and my family parked. I asked him what he was doing here and he told me "I remeber you saying long time ago that alex sang at this time and i wanted to come and see... " me:"but that was like last year???" him:"i know...I just wanted to come and see what it was about because last time i rember u invited me to go to mass with you but i didn't come. " me:"oh okay? sooo how are things with you? hows school? and hows.......?" "schools okay you know same ol same ol..." me: "figures...." him:"whats that suppose to mean?" me:"nothing, but...... OH NM" and he totally avoided the other question. we walked into the parking lot which led us to saying goodbye. I said good bye told him it was nice seeing him and I huged Him. as he was hugging me ever so tight he wispers in my ear "I...YOU!" i pull away and say HUH? look at him in the eyes and then... thats when we kissed... my heart was beating soo fast. i reply "I miss you." he lets go looks at me and hugs me. me:"what are you doing later?" him:" I don't know... not really much of anything?" me: "no plans at all? hugh... weird... I guess thats cool. Maybe I should stop by your house so we could talk." "do you need me to pick you up?" "oh no, I forgot to tell you I drive now. i got my licens 3 months ago. I was planing to call you up and tell you when i got it. but i figured that you might have been busy. oh yeah by the way hows work ?" "it good... Yeah you should stop by so" "Oh shoot" " what? " "my dad... hes pulling out. maybe i should go now." jeff ducks be hind a car holding my hand looks at me and say "I don't want you to leave yet. i miss you. call me later stop by?..." "yeah I will... i just gotta go and eat with the family and I'll be there after that YEAH?" he looks at me as he sits on the floor be hind the car and me squating infront of him. I lean in for a hug and he kisses me on the cheek. We say good bye...
and thats when I wake up.....
CRAZY!!!!!!! it got me all teary eyed. IT MAKES ME MISS HIM... but I'm just trying to get over it all....
eh...
whatever.
next think i know the scene changes.
4-5 months later i'm walking down to a hall way which comes to be my church. walking with me is my family and we go in... Mass starts... mass ends. I go and do my daily routine of going to to SELAH and say my hellos say whats up to ALex and Greg. and to my suprise who do i run into. Justine Rachel and Jeff. I was like OMG!!! HEY GUYS!!! hows it going what are ya'll up to? Justine and Rachel tell me that they have to leave.... that was all and then they leave. next thing I know i'm standing outside chatting away with Jeff crackin some jokes... wondering hows hes doing. as that is happening we walk towards the back parking lot where I and my family parked. I asked him what he was doing here and he told me "I remeber you saying long time ago that alex sang at this time and i wanted to come and see... " me:"but that was like last year???" him:"i know...I just wanted to come and see what it was about because last time i rember u invited me to go to mass with you but i didn't come. " me:"oh okay? sooo how are things with you? hows school? and hows.......?" "schools okay you know same ol same ol..." me: "figures...." him:"whats that suppose to mean?" me:"nothing, but...... OH NM" and he totally avoided the other question. we walked into the parking lot which led us to saying goodbye. I said good bye told him it was nice seeing him and I huged Him. as he was hugging me ever so tight he wispers in my ear "I...YOU!" i pull away and say HUH? look at him in the eyes and then... thats when we kissed... my heart was beating soo fast. i reply "I miss you." he lets go looks at me and hugs me. me:"what are you doing later?" him:" I don't know... not really much of anything?" me: "no plans at all? hugh... weird... I guess thats cool. Maybe I should stop by your house so we could talk." "do you need me to pick you up?" "oh no, I forgot to tell you I drive now. i got my licens 3 months ago. I was planing to call you up and tell you when i got it. but i figured that you might have been busy. oh yeah by the way hows work ?" "it good... Yeah you should stop by so" "Oh shoot" " what? " "my dad... hes pulling out. maybe i should go now." jeff ducks be hind a car holding my hand looks at me and say "I don't want you to leave yet. i miss you. call me later stop by?..." "yeah I will... i just gotta go and eat with the family and I'll be there after that YEAH?" he looks at me as he sits on the floor be hind the car and me squating infront of him. I lean in for a hug and he kisses me on the cheek. We say good bye...
and thats when I wake up.....
CRAZY!!!!!!! it got me all teary eyed. IT MAKES ME MISS HIM... but I'm just trying to get over it all....
eh...
whatever.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
it more like......
I miss a whole lot of what happened in the past... but i can't turn back time and go through it again. But if i was ever able too... i would change a whole lot of things.
what has come to be...
there aren't anymore of those phone calls. nothing about,chilling our just hanging out. there aren't anymore of those reandom hellos just to see how someone is doing. there isn't so much of those deep conversations that use to happen, there isn't any more of those just kicking it at someones house just for the hell of it.. and staying at that house till early in the morning just because, and there isn't anymore of those really good hugs and kisses of hello and good byes.... and theses are some of the things that i miss the most
the way i see it now
is that there isn't any more of all that stuff... I feel as tho there isn't anything with the ohan anymore. that feeling of being pushed out of the circle. more people come in and i'm being taking out. I love my ohan there is no dbout about that, i know i will always have you guys you all, will forever be my brothers and sisters... except jeff (none of that sibling ish )"say siblings"... haha. BUT jeff you will always be my first love the "boyfriend", i will never forget you. Like i've said before you have made and everlasting impression on my mind, body, soul and heart and i will never for get that. YOU GUYS... are the greatest people i have ever met We kept it together for 4 years and still kinda going.
the truth is...
i feel like i'm not apart of that circle anymore.
these past months have been life changing
and well i've been making some great decisions. and there maybe well something that i might have to do.... is well leave. and probably not keep contact... i donno if i will actully be doing that. but, i guess there will be a whole lot less of me to be seen. I guess give me a year or something. i donno.... it still an undecided dession that i have to make.
Just know that
no matter what the decision is i make i will always love you guys
MY OHANA... my brothers and sisters and EXbOyFRIEND.
We've been through alot and i donno...
where do i really stand i all this...
my drama is my drama... not any of yours. just some things that i'm going through. don't worrie about me i'll be okay. OH THE POSSIBILITIES
a post that isn't really finished... just some thoughts that i wanted to pass along
what has come to be...
there aren't anymore of those phone calls. nothing about,chilling our just hanging out. there aren't anymore of those reandom hellos just to see how someone is doing. there isn't so much of those deep conversations that use to happen, there isn't any more of those just kicking it at someones house just for the hell of it.. and staying at that house till early in the morning just because, and there isn't anymore of those really good hugs and kisses of hello and good byes.... and theses are some of the things that i miss the most
the way i see it now
is that there isn't any more of all that stuff... I feel as tho there isn't anything with the ohan anymore. that feeling of being pushed out of the circle. more people come in and i'm being taking out. I love my ohan there is no dbout about that, i know i will always have you guys you all, will forever be my brothers and sisters... except jeff (none of that sibling ish )"say siblings"... haha. BUT jeff you will always be my first love the "boyfriend", i will never forget you. Like i've said before you have made and everlasting impression on my mind, body, soul and heart and i will never for get that. YOU GUYS... are the greatest people i have ever met We kept it together for 4 years and still kinda going.
the truth is...
i feel like i'm not apart of that circle anymore.
these past months have been life changing
and well i've been making some great decisions. and there maybe well something that i might have to do.... is well leave. and probably not keep contact... i donno if i will actully be doing that. but, i guess there will be a whole lot less of me to be seen. I guess give me a year or something. i donno.... it still an undecided dession that i have to make.
Just know that
no matter what the decision is i make i will always love you guys
MY OHANA... my brothers and sisters and EXbOyFRIEND.
We've been through alot and i donno...
where do i really stand i all this...
my drama is my drama... not any of yours. just some things that i'm going through. don't worrie about me i'll be okay. OH THE POSSIBILITIES
a post that isn't really finished... just some thoughts that i wanted to pass along
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